The Truth About Jeanne Ellen Burrows
by justcreate
Summary: The pressure is on for Stephanie to choose between Joe and Ranger. When Jeanne Ellen Burrows enters the fray, Stephanie finds herself the talk of Trenton as she stumbles from one scandal to the next.
1. Chapter 1

The characters all belong to Janet Evanovich.

**CHAPTER ONE**

"Ranger?" When had Ranger crept in? No wonder I had slept so well last night. Mmmmm...He felt warm and yummy and my body shivered involuntarily. I snuggled into his warmth, but his body was tense and I wondered why he wasn't answering me.

"Ranger, what's wrong?" My voice was barely above a whisper as if still held captive by my deep sleep.

"Morelli's here, Babe," Ranger replied gruffly.

I blinked and lay frozen. Joe? Here? Oh no! I took a quick inventory of myself in bed, where I had fallen asleep last night _alone_. I discreetly peeked downwards and saw that Ranger was lying on top of the covers fully dressed in cargo pants, thank goodness. But we were spooned tightly together with my head resting on his arm instead of my pillow. His other arm was wrapped tightly around my middle, just grazing the bottom of my breast, and his fingers splayed on my lower abdomen. On any other morning, this would have me in a tizzy, but this morning - well, okay, it had me in a tizzy. But Joe? Shit!

A throat cleared at the foot of the bed and I forced my head to turn in its direction. My on-again off-again boyfriend Joe Morelli was standing there, hands on hips, looking very pissed. I could almost feel steam radiating from his taut body.

"Joe, hi. Um, wh-what are you doing here?"

Joe wrenched his glare from Ranger and cast a searing stare in my direction. "What am _I_ doing here? I _belong_ here. I'm _your boyfriend_. The question is what is _he_ doing here?"

"She did nothing wrong," said Ranger abruptly.

"What she did wrong," hissed Joe through his teeth, "was to allow you to become involved in her life. She's my girlfriend, and I've had enough. Get your hands off her and get out. Permanently."

I stared at Joe with my mouth agape. Ranger hadn't budged and was still wrapped around me with his warmth while he maintained a cold glare at Joe. I could feel the even rise and fall of his chest against my back and the almost imperceptible tightening of his arm around me. The slight shift of his fingers below my navel caused my belly to flutter and forced a hiss of air through my teeth.

I knew it didn't escape Joe's notice because the temperature in my bedroom seemed to ratchet up several notches and Joe's eyes blackened with fury. I knew I needed to speak up – to say something, anything, but I was choking on the testosterone.

"No," said Ranger steadily.

Joe looked stunned. "What do you mean, no?" His voice was now an octave higher.

Ranger stared a Joe for a full minute before answering. "I'm in love with her."

Joe and I both stopped breathing. I don't know which of us was more stunned by Ranger's admission. Ranger kept his maddeningly tight grip around my stomach. Joe wobbled slightly, reached out a hand, and lowered himself to sit at the foot of the bed.

And that's when life as I knew it stopped.

My name is Stephanie Plum, and I'm a bond enforcement agent, aka bounty hunter. I work for my cousin Vincent Plum, and that's where I met Ranger. Ranger's actual name is Ricardo Carlos Manoso, and he's my mentor, partner, protector, and now who knows what else. Up until now, Ranger's only admission to love for me came with the condition that condoms, not rings, were involved. And he had resisted the prospects of a relationship so much that he had sent me packing to Joe after the one and only time that we had made love.

Joseph Morelli was my sometimes boyfriend. We had known each other since childhood, and Joe was the first to put my female body through its paces. Joe worked as a vice cop on the Trenton police force and was more frequently applying the pressure on me to quit my job and become a housewife. His housewife. I loved Joe, but I loved Ranger, too.

Joe was my comfort food and Ranger was my dessert. Kind of ironic since Ranger doesn't eat dessert, but that's how they fit into my crazy life. The problem was, I couldn't enjoy life without my comfort food _and_ my dessert, but somehow I was being placed in a position to choose only one. What was up with that?

I'd like to say that I grew some sort of backbone and stood up to Joe and Ranger. I'd like to say that I made a choice and set things straight. But for once, I had trouble finding my tongue at all. And while Joe and Ranger discussed my well-being as if I were a child – indeed, it sounded like they were arguing over custody arrangements – I just sat in my bed astounded. Joe was knocked off balance by Ranger's confession of his love for me and that took the fire out of his anger. I was surprised too. Ranger had said before that he loved me, but it always came with strings attached. But to say he was _in love_ with me was altogether different, and I have to admit that it changed my outlook.

So Joe and Ranger sat down like reasonable men (in my bed!), and agreed that neither would, you know, do the cha-cha with me until I had decided between them. Once the pact had been made, I received a kiss on each cheek with a "Love you, Cupcake" on one side and a "Love you, Babe" on the other, and they left me to enjoy the rest of my Sunday. And to reflect on the pandemonium that was my life.

I didn't know whether to feel ecstatic that Ranger was in love with me, angry that they had both treated me like a child, or upset that Joe and I had taken another step backwards in our relationship. All this, and I hadn't even had a cup of coffee yet. I could think of only one way to deal with my situation. I dialed Lula and arranged a shopping spree.

"Girlfriend, you have good timing - there's a shoe sale at Macy's. I'll pick you up in 30 minutes."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

I showered in a daze. I shampooed my hair with shaving cream and then forgot to rinse the conditioner out. I had to get back in the shower but couldn't get the water hot again, so I rinsed my hair in cold water. I had forgotten to put the filter in the coffee maker, and I got out of the shower to find a runny brown mess all over my counter and floor. I decided that this would not be a good day to attempt mascara.

I tugged on jeans and a long sleeved tee and swept my hair back into a ponytail. Between the shaving cream and cold water rinse, my hair was smooth and shiny. Huh. I'd have to remember that trick.

I heard the bass thump of Lula's car stereo and said goodbye to Rex. I ran down the stairs two at a time, and hopped into Lula's Firebird. She handed me a McDonald's bag and a large coffee. God bless her. I smiled at her to show my gratitude, and her eyes narrowed.

"You look like you need to do some serious shopping. What's going on with you?"

Now here's the deal. I normally don't give out the nitty gritty details of my love life. Not to anyone, and especially not to Lula. But today, I needed some serious girlfriend help.

"Joe and Ranger," I said.

"What you mean, 'Joe and Ranger'? Spill."

I sighed. "Joe came over this morning and found Ranger in my bed." I held up a hand to stop her outburst. "FULLY CLOTHED. He was…we were…fully clothed. Nothing happened. Just, sometimes he comes in while I'm asleep and I wake up in his arms."

Lula pierced my ears with a shriek. "How long you been waking up in Batman's arms? When were you gonna tell me about this? He got it bad for you. I knew he had it bad for you!"

"It's not a big deal. And nothing ever happened. Well, just the one time, but he told me he couldn't do a relationship and sent me back to Joe afterward."

Lula's car jumped the curb and side-swiped a fire hydrant. _That went well_, I thought. Lula didn't bother to get out to check her car. She put the car in park and turned in her seat to face me.

"You slept with Batman! Girl, I'm gonna kill you for not telling me that! What was it like? He got a nice package, I bet. Damn, I ought to drop you off right here on this corner for not telling your good friend about that before now!"

"That's not all," I told Lula. "When Joe told Ranger to get out this morning, Ranger refused and said that he's in love with me. They're both…in love with me."

"SHIT. Stephanie, you the shit! No wonder he's always giving you those cars! Joe must've had a heart attack. Who got killed? I know both of them are not still alive! All that testosterone floating around must have caused some serious damage."

I shook my head. "They didn't fight. They sat _in my bed_ and decided that neither of them would sleep with me until I make up my mind. And then they each kissed me and left."

Lula looked incredulous. "Are you sure you didn't wake up in some parallel universe this morning? Girl, we better get you to Macy's fast. This here's an emergency. Why didn't you tell me this was an emergency? I need one of them Kojak lights!"

The shopping gods must have taken mercy on us, because Lula and I left the mall that evening with bags stuffed full of bargain finds. Lula's best buy of the day was a pair of clear acrylic stiletto heels for fifteen dollars, which she said were for her Halloween costume. I knew better than to ask for details.

My hot deal was a velvety soft short nightie with matching boy shorts. At seven bucks on clearance, I splurged and bought it in both pink and black. Lula raised her eyebrows at that and I heard her mumble something about pink for Supercop and black for Batman. I pretended not to hear her.

The only hiccup in our shopping spree was running into Jeanne Ellen Burrows at Victoria's Secret. When I first felt the prickle at the back of my neck, I looked around for Ranger. I saw that it was Jeanne Ellen sneaking a glance at me from behind a rack of push-up bras and I couldn't help but feel a tinge of envy. She had worked with Ranger in the past, and although they were no longer involved, I suspected they had once had some sort of relationship. Jeanne Ellen was undeniably the female equivalent of Ranger – cool, calm, collected, and always wearing black. Jeanne Ellen did not roll around in garbage and lose her handcuffs.

I shot a Burg glare at Jeanne Ellen, grabbed a lacy bra, and called for Lula. "Lula, do you think Ranger would like this one?"

Lula opened her mouth but then noticed Jeanne Ellen. She grinned. "I think he'd like your skinny white ass best in something crotchless. Like this." She held up a torturous looking device made mostly of strings. Yikes.

I caught a glimpse of a pained look on Jeanne Ellen's face before she disappeared. "That was weird," I said to Lula.

"She's a weird chic. Always gives me the heeby jeebies." We paid for our lingerie and left the store.

After the freaky encounter with Jeanne Ellen, Lula and I called it quits and dined in at Cluck in a Bucket before heading for home. On the way back to my apartment, my cell phone rang. I checked the caller ID and mouthed "Joe" to Lula as I answered.

"Hey, Cupcake. I'm really sorry about this morning. I'm calling to make sure you're okay."

"Better now," I told him. "Shopping therapy. Lula and I bought out Macy's. I'm hardly even mad at you and Ranger for treating me like a child."

"Yeah, sorry about that too, Cupcake. But that won't matter once you break it off with Ranger…"

"Joe. Don't start with me. I just maxed out my credit cards for shopping therapy and I need it to last a while".

"Okay, Cupcake. Just let me know as soon as you come to your senses. Bob needs you. The boys need you. And I already told you that you can have my credit card." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going under on a job, and I want to make sure you'll still be there for me when I get back. I'll call you in a few days. Don't do anything with Ranger that I wouldn't do!"

"Bye Joe. Hanging up now." Men!

Lula glanced over at me. "I'd hate to be in your shoes," she said.

We arrived at my building and hauled my bags to my second floor apartment. Lula handed me an extra package.

"What's this?"

"This is for you. You're gonna need it. I'll see you at the office tomorrow, but you call me if you need anything sooner. You know, to talk, or something."

I trudged into my bedroom with my packages and found a dark figure stretched out on my bed. The hairs standing up on my neck told me that it was Ranger. He was snoring slightly, and smelled like alcohol. I guess he was taking a vacation from the temple today. I felt a pang of sympathy for him, since he had finally confessed his feelings but had done so in the presence of…my other boyfriend.

_What the hell, _I thought, and rummaged through my packages to find the black nightie set. I left the rest of the packages there to deal with in the morning. I changed and slipped under the covers next to Ranger, who was still sleeping soundly. He must have had more than a couple of drinks, because he was not aware of his surroundings. I'd have to rib him about that in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREECHAPTER THREE

I woke up to the familiar sensation of Ranger's arms and legs wrapped around me. His hand had strayed underneath my nightie and his thumb was tracing circles on my tummy. He must have sensed that I was awake because he pulled me closer to snuggle.

"Mmmm, Babe. What's this you're wearing? It's so soft. You're making it hard for me to keep my promise."

"About that promise," I told him, "Don't you think you guys should have consulted me first? After all, I am one third of our love triangle."

"Yeah, Babe. I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't want you to feel like you have to make a choice. I love you, but I won't hate you if you can't give me any more of yourself right now. It's just hard for me to share."

Now here's the difference between Ranger and Joe. With Joe, it was an all or nothing choice. But Ranger was willing to compromise and I really respected that. He would accept me for who I was, not try to convince me that I needed to conform to someone else's expectations.

And for that, I reached around and wrapped myself around Ranger in a grateful embrace. "I love you, Ranger." Wow, it came out so much easier than when I had first told Joe the same thing.

Ranger grinned down at me. "I love you too, Babe. That's why I was here Saturday night. I couldn't keep it from you any longer - I had to get it off my chest. I just hadn't planned on Morelli crashing the party."

I grimaced at him and climbed out of bed. On my way to the bathroom I tripped on my shopping bags and landed on the floor with my ass in the air.

"Babe, I'd help you up but I'm enjoying the view."

"Very funny," I said as I pulled myself up. I decided to torture him a bit. "I'm glad you like my new nightie. I got the black one for you, and the pink one for Morelli." I held up the pink version as proof.

Ranger's face turned dark and he rolled out of bed and nabbed the pink nightie from my hand. He stuffed it at the very back, very bottom of my underwear drawer. Then he scooped up my shopping bags and placed them on the bed.

"What else have you got in here that I need to know about?"

"This one's from Lula. I haven't opened it yet, but she said I'd need it." I handed the box over to Ranger. He opened it, and the corners of his mouth turned up in an amused grin.

I snatched the box to find a towel set. Three towels, to be exact, that were monogrammed. A blue "His", a pink "Hers", and a black "His" were nestled in tissue paper.

"Well, that about sums it up," I said, and I hung the three towels on the bar in the bathroom. I saw Ranger give an almost imperceptible shake of his head. He stalked over to the medicine cabinet, shoved Joe's antacids out of the way, and grabbed several pills out of my Advil bottle.

"Hangover?"

"Guess so," Ranger mumbled.

Ranger and I had both showered and dressed, and we were ready to head out for the day.

"Where are you going today?" I asked Ranger.

"Bonds office first, and then to look for an FTA. Want to ride with me?"

Normally, the thought of being in close proximity to Ranger for an extended period of time got me all flustered. But somehow, now that Ranger had let his feelings for me out of the closet, I felt okay with being around him. Still tingly, but in a good way. And since he was officially in love with me, I didn't have to worry about the threat of casual sex.

"I'll get my jacket."

We pulled up at the bonds office and Ranger parked the Turbo and called Tank. Ranger's eyes were on me while he spoke to Tank and when I made a move to my car door, Ranger reached out and pulled me to him. He kissed me long and deep and made me forget we were in his car. Ranger's tongue sought entrance to my mouth, and my lips parted readily. I finally came up for air when I realized that I could hear Tank's tinny voice from somewhere beneath me. Ranger had dropped the phone, and I had climbed onto his lap and sat on Tank. I stifled a laugh.

I smoothed Ranger's shirt, slipped off his lap, and darted out of the car before we gave the bonds office a full show. As expected, Connie and Lula were glued to the office window. They accosted me as soon as I walked in the door.

"Okay, spill. And we want all the details," Connie demanded as she led me to the couch.

"Lula, get her a donut. Steph, tell me what the heck is going on here. Lula says that you and your men have got a threesome going on."

"Ew," I said, "Not all together! Joe and Ranger have kind of put me on the spot to make a choice. But then Ranger said he doesn't want me to have to choose – that he'll take what he can get. To tell you the truth, I'm all confused."

Connie stared a moment while she took this information in, and then asked, "If you're so confused, why are you letting Batman swallow your tongue out there?"

"I don't know. I love him. I love both of them. And since Ranger told me and Joe that he's in love with me, too, I'm exploring all of my possibilities."

"Ranger told JOE that he loves you? Was there bloodshed?"

"No, no bloodshed. And the lovely matching 'His, His, and Hers' towel set that Lula gave me should prevent any disputes in the bathroom. I'm not sure yet which side of the bed I'll get," I said. Lula cast a guilty glance in my direction.

Connie and Lula fell quiet and I knew that Ranger must have entered the office. "Babe, you'll get the top, like usual." I turned to see a devilish grin on Ranger's face. Oh, boy.

Connie and Lula fanned themselves behind Ranger's back, and Connie crossed to her desk to grab our files. "Are you two working together today?"

"That's the plan," I told her.

Just then, the office door opened and Lula let out a high-pitched squeal.

"It's my Tanky!"

To any other man, the sight of a 200 plus pound black woman hurling towards him in skin tight spandex would send his gonads traveling north. But Tank was frightening in his own right, and beamed a sheepish grin at Lula's attention.

Lula pulled tank down by the shoulders and planted tiny kisses all over his shiny bald head. "Tank, I'm glad you're here. Even though you haven't gotten around to asking me to the big Halloween Party yet, I know your heart is set on going. So don't you worry – I already got my costume for the party, and we can go shopping this weekend to get yours ready too."

Tank looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I somehow got the feeling that he hadn't heard of the Halloween party that Lula was talking about.

"Lula, what Halloween party?" I hadn't heard either.

"Don't you know? You must be spending too much time in bed." She shot a pointed glance at Ranger. "The party is at the funeral home! The new owners are planning an open house to celebrate their grand opening of the new wing. It's a costume ball, and everybody will be there."

"Isn't that kind of macabre to have a Halloween party at a funeral home?"

"Yes, I think that's the point," said Connie, "And I heard that the proceeds are going to charity."

I made a mental note to check with Grandma Mazur on the party, because I knew she wouldn't miss a social event at the funeral parlor.

I stood up and glanced at Ranger. He gave me a barely visible nod, exchanged keys with Tank, and placed his hand at the small of my back to guide me out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOURCHAPTER FOUR

Ranger led me over to his Porsche Cayenne, leaving the Turbo for Tank to return to Rangeman. That would explain the phone call and Tank's brief visit to the office. The Cayenne would have more room to bring in skips.

Ranger and I each shuffled through our FTA files and selected the ones we'd go after first. There were three high bonds for Ranger and four low bonds for me. My stomach growled.

"Feel like breakfast?" Ranger asked me. I just raised an eyebrow, as if he even had to ask. "How about I cook you breakfast this morning?"

I grimaced. "Not one of your awful shakes."

Ranger grinned. "No, Babe, I know you better than that. Come on, I'll make you a breakfast fit for the Bat Babe."

My heart did a flip as Ranger steered the Cayenne in the direction of Rangeman.

I noticed that the Turbo hadn't yet returned when we parked in the garage. Tank was probably enjoying some Lula time. There were several black SUV's that were used by Rangeman staff, and Ranger's other personal vehicles were parked in his spaces.

"Babe, why don't you go on up to the seventh floor and wait for me. I'm going to make a quick stop at the control room to check in."

I used my own key fob to gain admittance to the penthouse. Ranger had given me the keys when I worked at Rangeman a while back, and I still used them occasionally. I dropped my keys in the tray on the entry table and made myself at home in his apartment. Okay, I made myself very at home. I knew Ranger would probably be at least half an hour catching up in the control room, so I stripped down to my panties and slipped into his heavenly bed. I have a history with Ranger's bed. Actually, I have more of a history with Ranger's bed than I do with Ranger.

I snuggled into the coolness of the thousand threadcount sheets, breathed in the lingering smell of Ranger and slipped off to sleep. Some time later, I was awakened by the smell of something wonderful. I could have sworn it was bacon, but I knew better than to think Ranger would cook bacon in his own kitchen.

Ranger entered the bedroom, silent as a cat, and prowled his way up the bedsheets. He stretched himself out beside me and kissed me.

"You up? Your breakfast is ready. And if you don't get out of this bed, I'm going to eat my breakfast right here."

I jumped up and threw back the covers. I had forgotten that I was wearing only my underwear and scrambled to cover myself back up. Too late, though, since Ranger's eyes had already darkened with desire.

"Maybe just an appetizer," he growled, and he slipped his hand under the covers while he placed whisper-soft kisses on my lips. He let his fingers barely graze my skin in a long, lazy line from my collarbone to my waist.

"Oh God, Ranger. I thought you told Joe you wouldn't make love to me. What about your pact?"

"I told Joe I wouldn't do the cha-cha with you. I know lots of dances besides the cha-cha. And most of those dances can make you very happy, Babe."

"But what about you, Ranger? I can't keep all the happiness to myself. It's not fair to you if we don't do the cha-cha."

"I can show you how to dance for me, too."

At this point, I was ready to agree to anything. I had waited for Ranger so long, and it didn't seem fair to deny him after he had taken the risk to share his feelings. He seemed to grasp my acquiescence, because he pulled me closer and deepened his kiss. And then, he let his tongue do a tap dance all over my body. He even went for an encore.

When Ranger had danced to his heart's content, I returned the favor. Well okay, the pleasure was as much mine as his. It isn't often that a girl gets to experience such perfection first-hand. His body took my breath away. Technically, we didn't do the cha-cha, but we did do some very dirty dancing.

Afterwards I lay in bed extremely satisfied. Ranger nudged me and reminded me that my breakfast was getting colder by the minute. When I couldn't move, he wrapped my naked body in his sheet and carried me to the table. He warmed my breakfast in the microwave – I was right about the bacon, but it was turkey bacon, an omelet, fresh fruit, whole wheat toast, and orange juice, all of which I ate while moaning with pleasure.

As I was eating, there was a brief knock at the door and Tank walked in. I pulled the sheet tighter around my body and caught him staring at me, looking guilty for walking in on my state of undress.

"Hi, Tank," I said.

Tank cleared his throat. "Uh, Hi Steph."

"Speak," Ranger barked at him, and Tank snapped his eyes away from my sheet.

"Boss, I need to talk to you about Jeanne Ellen…she's downstairs in the control room."

Ranger cut him off. "I'll be downstairs in ten." He looked over at me. "Make that twenty."

Tank's mouth turned up slightly at the corner and he turned on his heel and left.

"What's up with Jeanne Ellen?" I tried to keep the jealousy out of my voice, but Ranger raised an eyebrow and appraised me.

"I'm not exactly sure. She's going through some personal stuff right now and she's in a slump. I'm going to offer her some help," Ranger replied. He got up from the table as if to signify the conversation was over.

I knew I couldn't lay claim to Ranger, since I was technically keeping two boyfriends at once, but I still felt a little green-eyed over their former relationship. Well, a lot green-eyed. I looked down at my green eggs and didn't think I could finish my breakfast.

"I'm going to take a shower," I told Ranger.

"I'll help." God help me.

After Ranger had lathered me up in his shower gel and made sure every inch of me was clean, he left me to dress at my leisure. I checked his closet and noticed my black uniforms hanging there. I thought of Jeanne Ellen, and all of a sudden I felt like wearing my Rangeman black. Lucky me, I found the tight shirt that left part of my middle exposed.

I tamed my hair, swiped on plenty of mascara for courage, and wandered down to the fifth floor. Ranger's office door was closed – I assumed he was in there with Jeanne Ellen – so I grabbed a bottle of water out of the breakroom fridge and went to see who was in the control room.

I was greeted by hoots and catcalls. Lester shot me a big grin and when he saw my skimpy shirt, announced the entrance of Rangeman Barbie.

"What's been going on, guys?" I slowly twisted the cap off my water bottle and brought it to my lips. I took a sip and licked my lips to wet them. "Who's with Ranger in his office?"

My mini-distraction worked. All eyes were on me, which left me free to scan the monitors without appearing to snoop. I knew that Ranger's office wasn't monitored, but I was hoping to find something to appease my green-eyed monster. I saw nothing interesting, with the exception of a still frame of me riding the elevator down in my skimpy shirt.

Lester's expression turned sheepish when he saw my eyes on the still frame. "He's in there with Jeanne Ellen. Um, not to change the subject or anything, but what's this I hear about you with two boyfriends? You up to a third? Because I could help you out with that…Looks to me like you could use some more satisfaction."

The noise level in the control room dropped to dead quiet and a hand made contact with the base of my neck.

"Enough," growled Ranger's voice from right behind my left ear. I could feel his breath tickle the hairs on the back of my neck. "Lester, I need you on surveillance duty tonight. I'll give Tank the details. Babe." Ranger's hands wrapped around my exposed midriff and he steered me out of the control room.

Ranger glanced down at my clothes and he raised his eyebrow at me. I gave him an innocent look.

"What? I felt like being yours today."

"I like the sound of that, Babe. You're driving me crazy. You're driving my men crazy." And from the looks of Jeanne Ellen Burrows standing in front of me, I was driving her crazy, too. She didn't look very happy. Her eyes were narrowed to little slits, which were focused on my navel. She let her eyes travel upwards over my tight shirt and looked at me in the eyes.

"Stephanie," she said. Jeanne Ellen came from the Ranger school of using very few words.

"Jeanne Ellen," I said back. Two could play at this game. She was dressed in black, as usual.

"Babe, we're having some problems with a high profile client. I'm sending you and Jeanne Ellen out together to work the FTA files we picked up this morning while I smooth things over. Take the Cayenne." He passed me the keys.

"Wonderful," I said. _Just fucking wonderful._ At least it was better than Ranger going out with Jeanne Ellen himself.

I turned to Jeanne Ellen. "I'm going to run up to Ranger's apartment to grab my stuff. I'll meet you down in the garage." She nodded and disappeared.

Ranger looked slightly amused at my angry glare. "Babe, like you said, at least it's better than me going out with her myself."

"I said that out loud?"

"Yep."

_Shit._


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVECHAPTER FIVE

After a brief scuffle in the parking lot over who would drive, Jeanne Ellen snagged the keys from me and jumped into the driver's seat of the Cayenne. I adjusted my shirt back down over my breasts, smoothed my hair, and grimaced to think of the security video that would be replayed for all the guys at Rangeman. Jeanne Ellen hadn't mussed a single hair. Damn her.

We settled in the car, and Jeanne Ellen glanced over my outfit once again. "You smell like Ranger," she said. I smiled smugly and decided that I had won, regardless of who had ended up with the car keys.

The rest of the morning went smoothly. Jeanne Ellen and I brought in three of my low bond skips and one of Ranger's high bonds. They all seemed to mold like putty in Jeanne Ellen's hands.

Each time we dropped a skip off at the police station, the officers on duty pestered me over my personal love triangle. From the persistence of their questions, I could tell the pot was quite high over which guy I would choose. I was afraid to ask who the odds favored.

After we turned in our body receipts at the bonds office and escaped the questioning stares of Connie and Lula, Jeanne Ellen handed over the keys to the Cayenne. "You can drive the rest of the afternoon."

"Thanks," I said, appreciating the compromise.

"Want to grab lunch at Pino's," she asked.

"I'm starved." The Cayenne seemed to drive itself to Pino's, and I pulled right into a front parking place. Jeanne Ellen must be bringing me good luck. Perfect people always find good parking spaces.

We grabbed a booth and Jeanne Ellen naturally sat with her back to the wall. I guess being with her wasn't so bad if I pretended she was Ranger. They shared so much in common, after all. They both wore black, they were both great at bounty hunting, and they both liked silence.

I ordered a meatball sub and Jeanne Ellen ordered a salad. _Great,_ I thought, _another thing in common. _ We ate in silence, which wasn't too terrible since I was used to the silence of Rangeman employees. I caught Jeanne Ellen looking at me curiously a few times and realized I was moaning over my food.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I'm really hungry."

She gave me a small smile. "Do you always do everything with such gusto?"

"Yep, it's the only way." I flashed her a big smile back. "I like to live big."

"Oh, you have a little sauce…," Jeanne Ellen gestured at the corner of my mouth. She grabbed her napkin and leaned forward to brush the corner of my mouth. Just then, Carl Costanza and his partner Big Dog appeared at our booth. They worked with Joe at the police department.

"Hold the phone, Big Dog, I think we have a new player in the Stephanie Plum love triangle. Look at this intimate scene."

"Shut up, Carl," I grumped, "We're partners today."

"You sure you're not 'life partners' Steph? Because it was looking a little chummy over here. Don't worry, Steph, I'll help you get that sauce." Carl waggled his tongue towards my mouth in a teasing gesture. I waved my hand at him in mild irritation.

"What the hell are you doing to my girl, Carl?" Morelli had appeared behind Carl and Big Dog, and he looked halfway between murderous and amused.

Joe leaned down to me, darted his tongue out to taste the sauce, and gave me a hello kiss that left me weak at the knees. Thank goodness I was sitting down. Joe looked over at Jeanne Ellen and back at me, but didn't ask.

"I thought you were going under for a few days," I told Joe.

"Couldn't stay away. I was afraid Ranger would steal you away completely."

"Not completely," I told him. He stared at me darkly for a few seconds, and then asked, "Have you checked your messages lately? Your mother is on the warpath to talk to you. Dinner should be interesting Thursday night."

_Damn, _I thought. I had almost forgotten about Thursday night dinner at my parents' house.

"I'll check my machine after lunch."

Jeanne Ellen, who had been silent ever since Joe appeared, suddenly sat up straighter and looked behind me.

"Babe, you got room for one more?" Ranger slid into our booth next to Jeanne Ellen.

"Isn't this cozy," Morelli grinned, "It's like a double date."

"You wish," Ranger said to Morelli, and he eyed me with amusement. "Babe, the guys were going crazy over your argument with Jeanne Ellen in the parking garage. It was a full five minutes before their eyes returned to the monitors they were supposed to be watching."

"Sorry about that. I think we've worked out a compromise now." Jeanne Ellen sent me a small smile across the table.

We finished lunch in awkward silence, and I grabbed my purse to signal it was time to go. As we stood to leave, Joe pulled me to him and kissed me goodbye. Ranger, not to be outdone, turned me around, pressed every inch of his body to mine, and gave me a more thorough kiss. Joe and Ranger eyed each other warily and walked out the door side by side. I collapsed back into the booth because my legs wouldn't hold me up any longer. Jeanne Ellen stood staring, shocked at the scene.

I heard a piece of silverware drop, and nothing else. Not a soul was moving, as if life had ground to a stop. All eyes in the restaurant were on me. I gathered every ounce of my strength, heaved myself out of the booth, and rushed out the door.

Jeanne Ellen and I sat in the Cayenne for a few minutes, not speaking. Finally, she turned to face me.

"I had no idea. I had no idea your life was this complicated."

"Yeah, it's seriously fucked up."

"Do you know how many women would kill to be in your shoes?"

"They can have my shoes. Once my mother hears the gossip of that little scene, she is going read me the riot act and then withhold all dessert from me for the rest of my life. If you think my life is crazy now, you should come to dinner on Thursday night."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," she said through a grin. "What time should I be there?"


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIXCHAPTER SIX

I drove Jeanne Ellen to my apartment after lunch to check my messages and feed Rex. She gave herself a tour, and I saw her peek in my closet and take note of the motley collection of Ranger's and Joe's clothes in my closet. She let out a bark of laughter when she saw the His, His, and Hers towels in my bathroom.

She came from the direction of the kitchen a few minutes later with a bottle of water in her hand.

"Where did you get that?"

"From your fridge," she told me. "You don't mind, do you?"

"No, I just didn't think I had anything in my fridge." I walked over to my fridge and glanced inside. Water, juice, produce, and a cheesecake. I opened my cupboard and found whole wheat bread and healthy snacks.

"Looks like the health food fairy came. And he was feeling generous and left me a cheesecake." I shrugged, took a bottle of water, and sat back down to check my messages. I realized the food was an indication that Ranger was planning to spend more time at my place and I felt a warm tingle in my tummy.

The tingle didn't last long. It was chased away by the eighteen messages on my answering machine. Most of them were from my irate mother. One was from Lula, probably wanting the details of the lunch scene. One was from my oldest and best friend, Mary Lou Molnar. She's married and has a house full of kids now, so our paths don't cross as often anymore. She was firmly planted inside the burg gossip circle, and would be wanting details also.

I sucked in a deep breath and dialed my mother back first. Grandma Mazur answered the phone.

"Hi Grandma, I'm just calling to check in…"

"Stephanie! I'm so glad you called. The phone has been ringing off the hook, and people are asking if it's true you're sleeping with two hotties. You are sleeping with two hotties, aren't you? I told them all it's true, but your mother got upset and demanded that I stop answering the phone."

"Then why are you answering the phone now?" I asked, hoping to avoid answering Grandma's question.

"Your mother had a little too much to drink at lunch, and had to lie down a while. I figured I'd pick up in case it was you. Are you still coming to dinner on Thursday?"

Not if I could avoid it. "Just let her know that I called back."

I called Mary Lou next and confirmed her suspicions that I was sporting two boyfriends. I heard either her kids fighting or World War III going on in the background, and she had to disconnect abruptly with the promise that we'd chat very soon. I know it killed her to miss hearing the details.

I called Lula last, and she grilled me about Jeanne Ellen and the scene at Pino's. I told her as much as I could, which wasn't much since Jeanne Ellen was sitting in my living room.

We decided to head back to Rangeman to run background checks on the remaining FTA's. I drove, and looked directly into the camera when I triumphantly emerged from the driver's seat in the parking garage.

Jeanne Ellen was already set up in the cubicle next to mine. I logged in to my computer and checked my email. It had been a while since I logged in at Rangeman and I waded through my full Inbox. Someone had anonymously emailed the video of Jeane Ellen and me fighting in the parking lot. I grinned despite myself – It was a little funny. Embarrassing that I lost, but still funny. I heard a muffled laugh from next door, and knew that Jeanne Ellen had received the email, too.

Since I had gotten so much accomplished in the morning and since I wasn't officially on Ranger's payroll right now, I shut my computer down, traded keys for the Turbo, and drove home for an afternoon nap.

I woke up to the familiar smell of food cooking. I could get used to this. A glance at my bedside clock told me it was almost 7pm. I felt refreshed after my afternoon nap, and stretched like a cat before crawling out of bed and pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Joe was in the kitchen stirring a pot of red sauce. He wore faded jeans, black SWAT boots, and my favorite soft henley shirt with the sleeves pushed up. He smiled warmly at me when I entered the kitchen and kissed me softly. I tasted wine on his lips.

Joe had brought his dog Bob, who was glued to Joe's legs. Obviously hoping for some food to fall. I patted Bob hello.

Joe lifted me into a sitting position on the countertop, and poured me a glass of wine.

"Hungry, Cupcake? I'm making you spaghetti. My mother called today, and said the way to win you over is to feed you." He shot an amused look in my direction.

"It's all over the Burg grapevine, isn't it?" I asked.

He nodded and handed me a spoon to test the sauce. It was perfect.

The locks tumbled at the front door, which meant that Ranger had entered the apartment. He soundlessly strode into the kitchen, and I leaned over to accept his hello kiss.

"Mmmm, wine," he said huskily. I suppressed a grin. I hadn't taken a sip of my own wine yet, so he must have tasted Joe on my lips.

"What are you doing here?" Joe asked in a low monotone.

"I came to see my girl."

"Well you can't have her tonight. You had her Saturday night and Monday night. Tonight is mine."

Ranger looked annoyed. "Saturday night doesn't count. You interrupted."

"Okay, then, you had her last night. I get her tonight. And you didn't do the cha-cha with her, did you? You better not have done the cha-cha."

Ranger looked directly into Joe's eyes. "We didn't do the cha-cha. We danced around the cha-cha."

"Shit," said Joe. He stalked off to the bathroom and I heard the rumble of his Tums bottle.

"What the hell is this?" Joe yelled from the bathroom. "Is this a joke?" He must have seen the towels.

"They were a gift from Lula," I called back to him. "Yours is the blue one." As if he couldn't guess.

Ranger scooted me up to the edge of the counter and pressed himself tightly to my body. His tongue snaked a line across my neck and my breathing became ragged.

I heard the faucet turn off in the bathroom and scooted myself backwards on the counter. No sense starting another testosterone war. I hid my flushed face behind my wine glass and sipped my wine.

Ranger stirred and tasted the sauce. "Pretty good," he said. Joe returned to the kitchen, and Ranger asked if he needed help.

"Drain the pasta," Joe barked at him.

Ranger moved the pasta pot to the sink and eyed Joe. "I figured we could share tonight. You can have her to yourself tomorrow night. I'll be out of town."

What the hell were they talking about? I wondered just how this sharing thing was going to work.

"I don't do kinky stuff," I informed them. Which they both already knew, but I felt the need to remind them since this conversation was taking a weird turn.

Ranger drained the pasta and started mixing a salad together. He put sliced strawberries in it, and balsamic vinaigrette. I eyed it suspiciously, but he assured me I would like it. He took a sip of my wine. I slipped off the counter to set the table.

Dinner was orgasmic. Joe and Ranger kept sending me strangled glances, but I couldn't stop moaning over the food. The pasta was familiar and comforting, and the salad was a tantalizing mix of sweet and salty. I washed it all down with wine, and by the time Joe and I ate cheesecake for dessert (Ranger didn't partake), I was feeling completely satisfied.

After dinner, Ranger stepped out to take a phone call from Tank, and I helped Joe clear the table. I dumped an armful of dishes into the sink, and Joe came up behind me and pressed his body to mine. He nuzzled my neck, snaked his hand down the front of my pants, and started doing magical things with his hands.

"Are you turned on because of me of because of him?"

"I-I can't be sure," I replied honestly. "Maybe both."

"I can't wait till I get you alone. I'm going crazy for you."

"But Joe, we can't do the cha-cha. If you do the cha-cha with me, then Ranger can, too."

Joe's finger was rhythmically stroking my doodah, and I collapsed against the sink. I could feel Joe's hardness pressed into my buttocks. His body pulsed to the same rhythm as his fingers, and I gasped with pleasure. Joe skillfully led me to the edge of ecstasy and pushed me over.

My legs had turned to jelly and my breath was caught in my throat. Joe picked me up and carried to my bed. He lay me down gently, kissed my forehead, and left me to bask in my glow.

I was struck with a stab of guilt. I was enjoying the attention way too much, and it really wasn't fair to expect Joe and Ranger to continue this weirdness for too much longer. They needed me to make a choice. Unfortunately, I was no closer to choosing than before. I loved them both.

I heard Ranger re-enter my apartment, and the sudden realization of my situation hit. The indecision forced a sob out of my chest, and I burst into tears.

Joe and Ranger came running to the bedroom and found me lying in bed with tears streaming down my cheeks. Joe wiped my tears.

"Cupcake, what's the matter? You were so happy when I left you here a minute ago."

I sniffed. "I f-feel so f-frustrated. It's n-not fair for me to keep you and Ranger w-waiting. But I can't choose between you. I n-need you both. I won't be happy without comfort food _and _dessert!"

Joe and Ranger exchanged puzzled glances and climbed into bed with me, one on each side. They squeezed me tight into a Stephanie sandwich, because we all barely fit on the bed. I had white bread on one side, whole wheat bread on the other.

"Cupcake, don't cry. I love you too much to see you unhappy. You take as much time as you need. Ranger and I will suck it up and we'll be fine. You'll see."

"Babe, I already told you that you don't have to choose on my behalf. I love you no matter what, and I'll make no demands." He gave a pointed look at Morelli.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep, and I hadn't bothered to change into my PJ's.

I woke up later to find myself snuggled between the two hottest men in Trenton. Someone had changed me out of my clothes and into my PJ's. I had on my new pink nightie with the black boy shorts. I rolled my eyes, noting that Ranger had managed to get his color down on the business end.

I crept out of bed and into the bathroom to answer nature's call. Bob jumped up to greet me, so I pulled on my jeans and a jacket over my nightshirt and clipped on his leash. We wandered around outside for about ten minutes until he was empty, then took the elevator back upstairs.

I slipped out of my jeans and made to sneak back into bed when I froze on the spot. I couldn't believe my eyes. Joe had snuggled up to Ranger's backside and was spooning him, his face buried in Ranger's hair. I didn't know whether to hurl or to crack up, so I did the next best thing. I snuck into the living room, grabbed my cell phone, which had a camera, and snapped several pictures from all angles.

I wedged myself back between my guys, pressing my breasts into Ranger's back and resting my hand on his eight-pack, and feeling Joe pressed firmly against my backside. I sighed a guilty blissful sigh. Then Bob hopped up on the foot of the bed, I heard a distinct crack, and the bed crashed to the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVENCHAPTER SEVEN

Ranger and Joe woke up with a start and were on their feet in a heartbeat. I was too shocked to move. When they realized it hadn't been something exploding, they relaxed slightly.

"Babe, I think you finally got rid of those dust bunnies." Ranger looked over at Joe. "You think a king-sized bed would fit in here?"

Joe nodded. "Probably would be a tight fit, but I think so."

"I'll have one delivered today. I'm almost too stiff to walk and I can't turn my head to the right."

"Me too," said Joe.

"You okay, Babe?" Ranger leaned down for a good morning kiss and made to pull me out of bed.

"Not so fast," said Morelli, as he leaned down for his own kiss. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Babe, I'm going to shower at my place, then I'll be out of town till tomorrow. Don't let Morelli do the cha-cha with you. Keep the Porsche, or take whatever else you need from Rangeman."

"Wait a minute," said Morelli, "You're not forgetting about our Thursday night dinner at her parents' are you?"

"That's your gig, Morelli."

"Not anymore, it isn't. You want to share Stephanie, you have to participate in family dinners. I'll see you Thursday night, or the pact is off."

"Understood." Ranger pulled me up off the bed and wrapped his arms around me. "Love you, Babe. Call Tank if you need anything." Then he kissed me again, and was gone.

Once Ranger had left, Joe had his hands on me in less than two seconds.

"Finally, alone with my Cupcake," he said. "How fast can you get these clothes off? I want to see if you have a cream center."

"Pretty fast, but don't forget about the cha-cha. Why did you guys ever make that stupid pact?"

"Cupcake, without that pact, you'd be open season. I'm not sure I could share you during open season. Now lets see how many other dances you know besides the cha-cha."

Joe and I hit the shower about an hour later, and we were both feeling very happy. I hardly even spared a glance at my poor, forgotten shower massager.

The rest of Wednesday was lost on making the rounds and answering the same questions over and over. Yes, I was seeing both Ranger and Joe. No, we weren't having orgies. No, Joe and Ranger hadn't killed each other yet, and Yes, we really had His, His, and Hers matching towels. The towel issue was of particular interest to everyone I met. Luckily, the grapevine hadn't heard that we'd broken my bed.

I spent the night at Joe's house, and he came up with some pretty creative ways to avoid doing the cha-cha. I drove to my apartment on Thursday morning for a clean change of clothes, and stood staring at the brand new king sized bed that was taking up most of the space in my bedroom. There was no sign of my old bed. Ranger worked in mysterious ways.

I couldn't believe my luck when I saw that the sheets on my new bed were exactly like Ranger's. I couldn't resist stripping down to nothing and sliding between them. They didn't smell like Ranger, but they felt cool on my skin and I knew I could make do.

My cell phone rang an hour later and woke me. It was Ranger.

"Yo," I said.

"Yo, yourself," said Ranger. "What are you doing home?"

"As if you didn't know. I found this big bed and fabulous sheets, and couldn't resist climbing in naked."

"Are you alone?"

"Yep."

He disconnected, and I heard my lock tumble. Damn, that was fast. Ranger slipped out of his clothes and I enjoyed the brief view of perfection before he climbed under the covers and pulled me close.

"You like?" he said breathlessly.

"Oh, yeah," I breathed. "I very much like."

When I pulled up at the bonds office just before lunchtime, Connie and Lula greeted me at the door with smirking faces.

"Lookie here, Connie. Look what the cat dragged in. And she looks all satisfied and glowing."

Connie grinned. "If she glows any brighter, I might need to put on some dark glasses and sunscreen."

"Very funny," I replied. "Just go ahead and make fun of your desperate friend who is going to die from exhaustion and the weight of her torturous decision."

"Now, see. This here exhaustion is exactly what I need to hear about," said Lula. "Girlfriend, you sit down and tell Lula all about why you feel exhausted. I know doing two hot men will put a strain on a girl, but these are the two hottest men in Trenton. Excepting Tank, of course."

"Well, technically I'm not 'doing' two men. Neither one of them is allowed to do the cha-cha with me. But they've figured out all sorts of ways to dance without doing the cha-cha."

"Mm-hmm. And which one of your dancers put this here perma-grin on your face this morning?"

"Um, I'm not really sure. Technically, last night was Joe's night. But I went home to change and fell asleep in my new bed. And Ranger came over to take it for a test-drive."

"New bed? What you need a new bed for? And don't think I'm overlooking the fact that you've been with both men in the past 24 hours." Lula eyed me suspiciously.

"Well, first of all, we didn't all fit in my small bed comfortably on sharing night. And then, I think the weight of us all was too much and it collapsed."

I heard Connie gasp, and Lula looked like she might pass out. They were both fanning themselves like crazy.

"SHUT UP," said Lula. "You did not get Batman and Supercop to share a bed with you. You should be ashamed of yourself for lying like that."

I sat silent for a few moments before I came to a decision. I swore them both to secrecy before I pulled out my cell phone, snapped it open, and held it out so they could see my new wallpaper. It was a close-up of Joe and Ranger cuddling in my bed.

"Fuckin' A!" Lula burst into laughter and rolled on the floor. Connie came over to look, and stood perfectly still for about thirty seconds before joining Lula on the floor.

I snapped my phone shut and stood up. "My work here is done," I said as I walked out the door.

Next on my tour of the burg was Mary Lou's house. She had some of the kids at school, and the rest down for a nap, so we were able to catch up. I went through the same motions with her as I had with Lula and Connie and when I left her, she was equally as shocked and entertained.

I headed for home to give myself extra time to prepare for dinner at my parents' house. I considered even wearing a dress to make up for all the stuff I was putting my mother through lately.

I filled my bathtub with bubble bath, stepped out of my clothes, and sank down into a cloud of bubbles. I felt the tension ease out of my body, and tried to push my troubles completely out of my mind. No Joe. No Ranger. Just Stephanie and the soft bubbles.

The next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and was staring at four booted feet on my bathroom floor. My bathwater was cold and my bubbles had long dissolved. My gaze traveled up the four legs and stopped to see Ranger and Joe looking down at me, concerned.

"You okay, Cupcake?"

"Mm, yep. Just fell asleep in my bubble bath. What time is it?"

Ranger pulled me up and wrapped me in a towel. "5:00," he replied.

"Shit. I was in there longer than I planned. I must have shriveled into a prune by now." I looked down at my fingers to confirm my suspicion.

"I like prunes," said Ranger playfully. Health nut.

"I'm so cold. I think I need some hot tea."

Ranger headed to the kitchen while Joe helped me into my bathrobe.

"You need body heat, Cupcake." He lowered me to the bed and crawled in behind me and briskly rubbed my skin to create friction. "Damn, I could get used to this bed."

Ranger came in a few minutes later with my tea. He held it while I took a few sips, and then he slipped into bed on my other side.

"You okay, Babe?" He snuggled close and started rubbing the parts that Joe had missed.

"Yep, I am now. Is it totally horrible of me to be enjoying this? Am I a sick person?"

"I'm not going to answer that," said Joe, "but if I don't get to do the cha-cha soon, I'm definitely going to become a sick person."

Ranger growled his agreement, and I felt another pang of guilt. After about twenty minutes of snuggling and rubbing, I was warm enough to get out of bed. If I hadn't had the threat of my mother's wrath for being late to dinner, I wouldn't have had to willpower to leave the bed at all.

I did put on a dress for my mother's sake. Joe wore khaki slacks and a button-down shirt. Ranger wore black Armani, head to toe. Dinner at my parents' wasn't usually so dressy, but I think we were all a bit nervous.

We climbed into the Cayenne, with me in the back seat, and pulled out of my parking lot. We made it half a block before Ranger cursed and pulled over. A flashing blue and white pulled along side the car, and Carl and Big Dog grinned over at us.

"We heard there was a formal procession tonight shortly before 6:00, and we came to provide a police escort."

"Very funny, Carl," yelled Joe. "You better watch your back." Carl and Big Dog grinned and pulled in front of us, and another blue and white pulled up behind.

Our parade pulled up at my parents' house at 5:51. My mother and grandmother were already out on the porch waiting. I could swear I saw my grandmother jump up and down when she saw both Ranger and Joe climb out of the Porsche, lit up by the flashing lights. My mother's mouth was set in a grim line.

"Well, here goes," I said quietly as Joe and Ranger took their places on either side of me and escorted me to the door.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHTCHAPTER EIGHT

"Hello Joe, hello Ranger," my mother said as she greeted my escorts and ignored the scene we had just caused with our police procession. "Won't you please have a seat in the living room and visit with Frank while Stephanie helps me in the kitchen."

I knew what that meant, and it wasn't good. My mother never needs help in the kitchen. She wanted to corner me and start the inquisition.

I nodded hello to my father, and cringed as my grandmother piped up.

"So, you two hotties are sharing my granddaughter? She's a lot to handle, I know. I was the same way when I was her age. I've still got me quite a few men on my trail. The police escort was a nice touch. I'd like to get me one of them sometime. I can't wait to tell the girls about that down at the Clip n' Curl."

"Christ," my father grumbled. Joe and Ranger sat down and tried unsuccessfully to hide their grins.

I walked in the kitchen and caught my mother sneaking a nip out of the cabinet.

"Is it true? Is it true that you're shacked up with two men?" She didn't pause for an answer. "The phone has been ringing off the hook. I have to unplug it to get any sleep. I heard that you have His, His, and Hers towels. And Mrs. Luger told Mabel Markowitz that she saw two very large black men moving your bed out of your apartment and it was broken. The frame was cracked right in two! And she said they moved a king sized bed in right after. Why do you need such a large bed, Stephanie? And why was your bed broken?"

I figured if I didn't interrupt her rant, dinner would be late and the pot roast would be overcooked. "Mom," I said, "It's sort of true. I'm in love with Joe and Ranger, and they're both in love with me. Until I can figure out what I want, we've worked out an arrangement. A compromise. I'm sorry I'm not someone else's daughter who settles down with one man and has lots of grandkids, but that's not who I am. You can either accept it, or not. But it won't change things."

My mother looked shocked. In a voice so quiet that I had to strain to hear her, she said, "Stephanie, I don't know whether I should be horrified or envious. To tell you the truth, I'm a little of both." And with that, she marched the pot roast off to the dining room table.

We were sitting down at the table when we heard a knock at the door. I ran to answer it, and was surprised to see Jeanne Ellen.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked. "I know you probably didn't mean it when you invited me, but this is the hottest ticket in town right now."

"Uh, no. I don't mind. Come in." I introduced Jeanne Ellen and Grandma rushed to set a place. I sat between Joe and Ranger, and Jeanne Ellen was next to Grandma Mazur across the table.

My father glanced at me and my guests, muttered something about "fucking circus", and focused on his pot roast and potatoes. Joe and Ranger grinned at each other over my head.

Grandma looked over at Joe, then Ranger, and asked, "So Stephanie, which one has the biggest package?"

My cheeks burned and I stared at my plate. Jeanne Ellen turned to Grandma and said, "I heard you can tell by the size of their feet." Grandma immediately disappeared underneath the table. Joe and Ranger both snuck their hands down to their laps to guard their privates.

"They're both about the same," came a muffled response. And then a thump. "Oomph. I'm stuck. Somebody help me up!" Jeanne Ellen disappeared under the table, and after a couple of minutes, she hauled Grandma up into her chair.

My mother tried to refill her wine glass, and looked quizzically at the empty wine bottle. Joe jumped up and emerged from the kitchen a moment later with a full bottle. He uncorked the bottle and leaned over to fill my mother's glass.

Grandma started in again. "What I want to know is which one of you gets the front, and which one gets the back. Or do you take turns?"

Joe's hand wobbled and he sloshed wine on the tablecloth. My father cursed again, and Jeanne Ellen started coughing to muffle her laughter.

I racked my brain to find a new subject. "Grandma, what's this I hear about a Halloween party at the funeral home?"

Grandma's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Score one for Stephanie. Ranger let out a slow breath of relief.

"Oh, the Halloween party! It's Tuesday night, since that's usually a slow night for funerals. They're celebrating the grand opening of the new wing. I hear it's supposed to be quite an affair. You are going, aren't you? What are you and your studmuffins going to wear?"

"Oh, I don't think we're going," I told Grandma. "Are we?" I looked questioningly at Joe and Ranger.

My mother leaned forward slightly and looked me in the eye.

"Stephanie, you will go to the Halloween party, and you will watch your Grandma to make sure she stays out of trouble. The last thing I need is more phone calls. Am I making myself clear?"

I thought about it for a split second. "I think Ranger's going as Batman. Joe," I looked to Joe, "Superman? And I, of course, will be Wonder Woman." Okay, I'm an easy target, but I knew refusal of this request would deprive me of my mother's pineapple upside down cake for a very long time and I was already on very thin ice.

Grandma nodded. "Yes, I suppose it's best for threesomes to dress with a common theme. Makes for hotter sex afterwards."

Jeanne Ellen snorted. Joe and Ranger grinned at each other, and my father eyed his knife longingly. My mother decided to wobble upstairs to lie down (she probably had another bottle stashed up there), so I got up to help Grandma serve the chocolate cake for dessert

I had just raised my fork to my mouth when the phone started ringing. Grandma called out, "I'll get it," and headed for the kitchen. After a moment, she yelled out, "Stephanie, it's Lois Grizen. She wants to know about the towels. Can you come tell her about the towels?" Jeanne Ellen grinned.

Grandma sat back down but the phone rang again. This time it was Loretta Beeber wanting to know about the police escort. By the time I finished my cake, there were three more phone calls. One asked if I had really gotten a bigger bed to fit all of my men, one wanted to know if I kept track of the sex to make sure Joe and Ranger got equal time, and the last one wanted to know what perfume I wore.

Since my mother hadn't returned from her bedroom, Grandma helped me pack plenty of leftovers to take home. She said I'd need to keep up my strength.

I said goodbye to Grandma, who had to rush off to answer the phone again, and nodded to Jeanne Ellen as she headed for her black Jaguar. Ranger had asked me to partner with Jeanne Ellen again on Friday, so I knew I'd see her soon.

Ranger and Joe were quiet on the trip back to my apartment. We pulled into the parking lot and Ranger turned to Joe.

"It's Thursday night. My night alone."

Joe's face fell. "Damn. I usually get doggy sex after family dinners like that."

Ranger grinned. "Thanks for the tip."

I woke up Friday morning on top of Ranger and slippery with massage oil. Sometimes it took lots of massage oil to avoid doing the cha-cha. I started to slide off of Ranger, but his arm tightened around me. I felt him stirring under my belly.

"Babe. Don't go. Let's see what happens if you slide around a little more."

"Like this?" Ranger's eyes closed and he groaned. I was getting pretty good at this stuff. Who needed the cha-cha?

After some quality time in the bed, Ranger and I washed the oil off of each other in the shower and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Babe, I need you for a distraction job tonight. Ella will have your clothes ready at my place this afternoon. We leave Rangeman at 7:00. Be there to allow enough time to get dressed."

"10-4, Batman."


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINECHAPTER NINE

_Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie_, I said to myself as I eyed the dress that Ella had brought to the seventh floor. She was optimistic about my dress size again, and apparently still hadn't noticed my height because this dress was short. Way too short.

The dress, if you could call it that, was white and stretchy. It had a mock turtleneck and long clingy sleeves, and I felt like I was wrestling an octopus when I struggled to pull it over my head and arms. I saw myself staring back from Ranger's dressing room mirror, with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. This wasn't going to cut it.

I punched Ranger's extension in the bedroom phone, and heard him pick up. He was still dealing with problems with his high-profile client, but this was an emergency.

"Yo."

"Ranger, this dress is not going to work. It's like a second skin and it's see-through!"

"Babe. Deal with it." And he disconnected me. _Damn_, I thought, as I took inventory.

If I pulled very hard, the dress almost covered my female parts. But my black Rangeman bra and panties were very evident through the sheer fabric. Naturally, Ranger hadn't provided a bra and panty set to match the dress. Men just don't understand these things.

I wrestled the dress up and removed my bra and panties. Better, but now it revealed a clear outline of my nipples and showed every contour of my body.

I forced my eyes downwards, and saw the hint of rough texture of hair _down there_, and turned around to see another treat. The outline of my butt crack showed. If I was very lucky and very still, the dress wouldn't ride up to fully reveal my ass.

I strapped on the white patent leather four-inch heels and wrapped myself in one of Ranger's windbreakers. Best to keep this hidden as long as possible. I topped off my mascara and checked my hair one last time. I was touching up my lip gloss when I heard the front door open.

"Babe. What are you hiding under that jacket?" Ranger pressed himself to my back and his hands went for the zipper. I blocked his hands.

"Better not look now, Ranger, or we'll never get out of here."

I saw the corners of his mouth turn up as his eyes caught my bra and panties on the floor. I thought I heard a faint growl, and I wasn't sure if it came from my nervous stomach or from Ranger. His eyes were dark, and he looked hungry. For me. His hand reached down to pull up the bottom of the windbreaker but I slapped his hand away.

I glared at him. "All I can say is, you're going to pay for this." I grabbed my purse and walked out the door.

We met a full crew of Merry Men in the parking garage and they loaded into SUV's. I climbed very carefully into the Turbo with Ranger, and tried to discreetly pull the dress back down over my tush. I could feel Ranger's wolf smile and ignored him.

Tonight's job was at a new posh nightclub. Ranger pulled into a parking spot on the street that had just been vacated by Tank in his SUV. The crew quickly gathered at the Porsche, but I sat perusing the FTA's file, trying to delay this as long as possible.

"Babe. Time to go."

I was afraid to look over at Ranger. I opened my car door and a car whizzed past, nearly taking the Porsche's door with it. I slammed the door shut and realized I would never get out of the car on my side. Cars whizzed by at frightening speeds. I sighed. I would have to climb through Ranger's side, and I knew the dress was going to fight me.

With one quick motion, I swung my leg over Ranger and tried to land my foot on the sidewalk. Ranger had other ideas. He reached up to grab me and suddenly I was sitting astride him. My eyes glazed over as I realized my naked doodah was resting against the rough fabric of his black cargo pants.

"Forget something, Babe?" Ranger was grinning and holding up the wire. Damn! Where was that going to go?

I held my breath as Ranger unzipped the jacket. I looked down and saw that he was eye level with Nipple #1. He let out a slow breath and pulled the jacket off of me. I fidgeted, uncomfortable under his searing stare. His hands gripped my hips.

"Stop wiggling," he said through gritted teeth. Good, he deserved it. I wiggled once more for good measure and his breath caught in his throat. He held the wire in his hand, but looked at me confused. He wasn't sure where to put it, either.

Ranger started at the top, but the neck of the dress was too tight to maneuver. That left the bottom, and the only option for Ranger was to wrestle the second skin back up over my ass. I hardly noticed because I was too busy trying not to wiggle my doodah on the growing bulge in his pants. A girl could only take so much.

Ranger managed to peel the dress up high enough to tape the wire and tiny transmitter just underneath my breast. Mr. Self Control couldn't resist teasing a nipple with his tongue while his thumb stroked my doodah. I let out a half-moan, half-whimper and leaned my head back in ecstasy.

Somewhere back in reality, I heard a loud fake cough and a thump on the car window. Shit! The Merry Men were out there being treated to a full moon. My full moon, that is, and Tank was trying to let us know.

I quickly tugged the dress back down and tumbled onto the sidewalk. The Merry Men had arranged themselves in a protective circle around the Porsche with their backs to the car. Beyond the Merry Men, a line of onlookers was trying to get a glimpse of the car's occupants. Naturally, they were curious to see what kind of people traveled with an all-black clad crew of muscle men. I was quite the contrast in my white Band-Aid.

"Look, it's the Bombshell Bounty Hunter!"

"Does she have both her men with her?"

"Looks like she's got a whole male harem!"

"Quick, somebody ask her what perfume she wears! I'm gonna get me some of that!"

I caught a glimpse of a few familiar faces in the crowd and could already hear my mother's phone ringing with the latest Burg gossip. I probably wouldn't see another pineapple upside down cake for the rest of my life.

Tank grimaced as he parted for me to get through, and I knew he had made the others turn around. Hal was three shades of crimson, which probably covered every inch of his skin. Lester had a wide grin on his face. And a fork in his pants. Damn, I was never going to live this one down.

At least the skip was an easy target. He was ready to follow me outside after five minutes. Tank and Hal cuffed him and hauled him to their SUV and Ranger steered me back to the Porsche. Easy money.

We climbed into the car and Ranger dialed Joe from his cell phone. When Joe answered, Ranger said simply, "Pino's?" And then he disconnected. Short and to the point, as always. "Let's go, Babe."

Dinner conversation centered on whether or not Joe and Ranger would take me to the Halloween party the following week, and if so, whether or not they would agree to wear tights with their costumes. I really didn't want to go alone, and the thought of them dressed as superheroes was frighteningly amusing.

Joe was easy to convince. I suspected he wanted to go in the first place. Once Joe agreed to go, Ranger fell into step right behind him. He probably just didn't want Joe to have me all to himself. Ranger even volunteered to have Ella make our costumes.


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

**CHAPTER TEN**

The rest of the weekend was a blur of activity as the Burg prepared for Tuesday night's party. Rumor had it that the costume shop was picked completely bare. The Trenton Times announced that Sally Sweet would be performing, and Giovichinni's was even planning to close for the evening so its employees could attend the function. Halloween wasn't actually until the following Friday, so moms and dads were booking babysitters to watch their kids so they could attend Trenton's hottest social event in years.

I spent most of Monday chasing skips with Jeanne Ellen. It had been tense between us. For some reason, Jeanne Ellen had become aloof and seemed almost distracted.

We worked Tuesday morning, but returned to Rangeman at lunchtime. Jeanne Ellen had let her guard slip during a takedown and ended up covered in tomato sauce, which left a slightly orange tint to her face. The guys in the control room were shocked to see the queen of cool returned with ruined clothes, while I was clean and unrumpled.

I grabbed a sandwich from the breakroom and dashed home for a quick bubble bath. I shaved my legs, touched up my manicure, and smoothed a shimmery vanilla body lotion all over.

I had even remembered to schedule an afternoon appointment to get my hair done. Mr. Alexander washed my hair with peppermint shampoo that made my scalp tingle, then gave me a vanilla-scented deep conditioning treatment. He styled my hair in soft waves, and when he was done, my hair looked and smelled good enough to eat.

My phone rang as I was walking out of the mall. "Yo," I answered.

"Yo yourself," replied Ranger. "I had Ella drop your costume off at your apartment. I'll be running a little late, but I'll have a car pick you up at seven."

I wondered if Ranger's lateness had anything to do with Jeanne Ellen. When I left her at Rangeman earlier, she appeared to be upset and had disappeared into Ranger's office. I pushed Jeanne Ellen out of my mind, and dialed Morelli on my cell phone. Joe had been working on a case lately, and had been scarce. I wanted to make sure he hadn't chickened out of being Superman.

Joe answered the phone on the fourth ring, and he sounded irritated.

"Something wrong?" I asked him.

"Cupcake, everything's wrong. You didn't tell me that I'd be wearing tights to the party. Against my better judgment, I tried to get into these things. No can do. It's like trying to put socks on a rooster."

I choked back a laugh. "Bring your costume to my apartment and I'll help you. And you never know, I might need some help with mine, too." That last comment was meant to give him some motivation. Do I know men, or what?

Joe and I pulled into my parking lot at the same time. He looked me over and his eyes turned dark. "Cupcake, you don't need a costume. I could eat you up just like this. Mmmm, you're all shimmery and you smell good."

I laughed and pushed him away. I didn't want him to lick my glow off before I could make my entrance. "C'mon, Superman, let's get you into your tights."

We let ourselves into my apartment, and I found my Wonder Woman costume laid out on the bed. I was breathless. Ella had really outdone herself right down to the golden lasso, and I was relieved to see that she hadn't sewn the Rangeman logo into it anywhere.

Joe set his Superman costume down next to mine. It was equally as marvelous. I shivered to think what his lean, muscled body would look like underneath the clingy fabric.

We tackled Joe first. I showed him how to gather the fabric before shoving his legs inside. In a matter of minutes, Joe was transformed into Superman. The costume fit perfectly, and I knew that I'd have trouble keeping the women away from him.

Joe helped me into my costume next. I had blue hot pants with white stars, a red bustier trimmed with gold, a gold headband and matching gold wrist cuffs, and skin-tight red knee high boots. I topped it off with a golden lasso fastened at my hip. I was my childhood dream come true.

Joe ogled me from head to toe and I noticed a growing bulge in his groin area.

"I think I just figured out why they call these tights," Joe said while trying to adjust himself.

"Joe, you're going to have to wear your cape around the front if you can't control yourself better than that." I smiled innocently, and disappeared into the bathroom to put the finishing touches on my makeup.

Ranger's car arrived promptly at seven to pick us up. Joe gave a low, soft whistle when it pulled up. Ranger had outdone himself with a black stretch limo. Waiting inside was a bucket of chilled champagne and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries. I wondered if he had expected Joe to be joining me inside. Oh well, served him right to abandon me at the last minute. Joe poured us both glasses of champagne and fed me a strawberry.

I directed the driver to my parents' house to pick up Grandma Mazur. She was already standing outside when we arrived, a vision in sheer gauzy fabric. Looked like Grandma had dressed as a belly dancer. She had a bikini top, low cut sheer balloon pants that revealed her saggy midriff and gave a peek of her bony knees. She had jingly bracelets at her wrists and bells around the folds of her ankles. I stared at her stomach.

"Grandma, what happened to your belly button?" There was a small bulge where her belly button was supposed to be, and it was partially obscured by sagging skin.

Grandma stretched her skin tight and revealed a large clear stone wedged in her belly button. I had to ask.

Joe rubbed his eyes as if to rid himself of sight. I patted him sympathetically as Grandma jangled her way into the limo.

"We're riding in style. Leave it to Stephanie to swing a limo like this. Which one of your hot men got you this car? It was that Ranger, wasn't it? He's always getting you nice cars."

Joe looked strained, so I passed Grandma a glass of champagne and the plate of strawberries to keep her mouth occupied.

When we arrived at the funeral home, I was already feeling giggly and happy from my glass of champagne. I'd have to be careful to pace myself if I wanted to make it through the night.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVENCHAPTER ELEVEN

Joe and I made our grand entrance with Grandma Mazur and found that the party was already in full swing. The society photographer from the Trenton Times snapped our photographs, and we started the rounds to admire costumes.

Connie was at the buffet table in a Betty Boop costume. Grandma had several friends who had apparently decided to join in the belly dancing fun. Joe cringed when he saw them, and led me to the other side of the room.

Even Joyce Barnhardt was there looking slutty. "Joyce," I sneered. "I see you decided to go as the slut from hell. Very original for you."

Joyce glared back at me. "I don't have a costume, Wonder Girl. They were all sold out at the costume shop. Besides, when you look like me, a costume is not necessary."

"You know you're right, Joyce. You don't need a costume to be a witch."

Joe pulled me away before Joyce and I caused a scene. We mingled our way to the buffet table and loaded up plates of food. I had just taken a bite of a cocktail wiener when a hush fell over the party. I looked up and saw that Lula and Tank had come in the front door.

Tank looked a sight dressed as the Thing from Fantastic Four. That hadn't required much, I guessed, besides body paint to color his skin orange. He already had rock hard muscles covering every inch of his body. Lula, however, appeared to be wrapped up in Saran Wrap. She wore the clear acrylic high heels that she had bought on clearance at the mall, and had fashioned the Saran Wrap into some sort of mini-skirt and bustier combo. She made eye contact with me, and dragged Tank over to us.

Joe and I both stared. Actually, everyone stared. Lula was an accident waiting to happen, with the Saran Wrap giving peeks of her body that none of us really ever wanted to see. Except Tank, maybe, but he didn't look too happy to share.

"Girlfriend, you make an awesome Wonder Woman. And your man looks hotter than ever in that Superman outfit."

"Lula, you look…transparent. Give me a clue – I can't quite place your costume."

"Well, obviously, I'm the Invisible Woman! See, I dressed up in a theme with my man Tank, here. I heard the sex is better afterwards when you're dressed up as a common theme."

Joe let out a snort, and I elbowed him in the stomach.

Lula shifted. "I'm going to get me some punch. I'm starting to sweat in all this Saran Wrap. It ain't as comfortable as you might think."

Joe let out a single bark of laughter just as Sally Sweet took the stage and began warming up. Sally was wearing a gold lame' thong, a gold wig, and gold lame' platform heels. This was truly turning out to be a freak show.

The society photographer made the rounds a couple more times before Sally's band starting playing. It sounded like they had been practicing because his band didn't sound half bad. They started with a slow song.

Joe led me out to the dance floor and pulled me close. Being this close to Superman left me breathless, and when the dance was over, I couldn't resist melting into his arms and giving him a passionate kiss.

We had just pulled apart when a hush fell over the room again. I turned to see who it was this time, and was almost knocked off my feet to see Ranger in his Batman costume. Oh. My. God. He looked amazing. And who was standing next to him but Jeanne Ellen. As Catwoman. So that was the reason why he arrived late.

Joe placed a steadying hand at my lower back as I narrowed my eyes at Jeanne Ellen. What a slut! What a bitch! She had obviously heard about my costume choice for Ranger and had decided to stake her claim.

Ranger locked eyes with me, and I'm sure he could see my displeasure. He was wearing a Batman mask, so it was hard to tell what he was feeling.

With a swish of his cape, he was at my side in a moment. He looked me over from head to toe and growled. I stood stiffly as he bent to kiss me.

"What's wrong, Babe? Don't you like your costume? I think you look fantastic"

"Nothing is wrong with my costume. I'm just wondering why you are late. And I'm also wondering why you showed up with Jeanne Ellen. _And_ I'm wondering why her costume matches yours."

"Babe, I'm sorry I was late. It's the same high-profile client that has been causing problems all week. And I didn't arrive with Jeanne Ellen, I just found her outside. She's had some personal problems lately, so I've been trying to help her out. I think she was about to leave when I found her outside the door."

I eyed Ranger suspiciously. "Okay, fine, but how did she know to dress like Catwoman?"

"Babe. You have said so yourself in the past, Jeanne Ellen _is_ Catwoman."

He had a point. I had compared her to Catwoman, especially since she was the female version of Ranger.

I relaxed a little, and Ranger bent down to give me a real hello kiss. I felt, rather than saw the flash of the society photographer's camera. If he did that one more time, I was going to snatch the damn thing out of his hands and shove it down his throat.

Jeanne Ellen appeared beside Ranger and looked visibly upset. That was rare for Jeanne Ellen, since she usually kept her emotions hidden. The crowd in the room was standing room only, and Jeanne Ellen got shoved into me.

"Watch out!" I yelled angrily at her.

"You might want to watch yourself," she said quietly.

Oh, the bitch was threatening me now, was she? First, she dressed like my man, and then she threatened me. Well, I'd show her!

I ripped the golden lasso off my belt and lashed it out at Jeanne Ellen. She froze, eyes wide. I took advantage of her shock to tackle her, and we both went down on the floor.

Jeanne Ellen had a Catwoman whip to rival my golden lasso, and before I even noticed it in her hands, she had it wrapped around my wrists. She flipped me over on my back so that she straddled my stomach, and forced my hands up over my head.

Jeanne Ellen appeared to struggle internally for a few moments, and then slowly bent down until her lips were an inch away from my ear.

"I meant," she purred in my ear, "That you should watch out for that photographer. You wouldn't want to be splashed all over the newspaper kissing both of your men, would you?"

I lay helpless on the floor, trapped by her weight and her hold on my wrists. She pulled back slightly, seemed to consider my lips for a moment, and then lowered herself down until her lips brushed mine, as soft as a whisper.

I was too shocked to move. I stared up at Jeanne Ellen silently until I let out a breath that I hadn't realized I was holding. My tongue darted out of my mouth and I tasted her strawberry lip gloss. Jeanne Ellen took my parted lips as an invitation and her tongue probed into my mouth. Her kiss deepened, and I felt horror and amazement as I realized that I kind of enjoyed it. I swear I even felt a rush to my doodah. I relaxed a bit, and kissed Jeanne Ellen back. She had let go of my hands, and I wriggled them free of her whip, tangled my fingers in her silky hair and pulled her closer.

Jeanne Ellen straightened suddenly. "Stephanie, I'm so sorry. I…"

I realized that the raucous party had suddenly turned silent. I glanced around to see that everyone was staring, frozen, as if they were afraid to move. God help me, I had turned into such a slut!

Jeanne Ellen hopped off me and ran out the front door. I looked up at Joe and Ranger, who were both staring at me, open-mouthed, with very obvious erections and stupid grins on their faces. Neither made a move to help me up.

I was mortified. The society photographer had appeared to capture everything on film. My mother was going to disown me. I was paralyzed, afraid to break the silence. I looked around and saw all the faces I had known since childhood, all staring back at me in disbelief.

All of a sudden, my Grandma appeared between Joe and Ranger. "Well, I always wanted to try that! But why you need to kiss a woman when you have these two studs, I don't know. You're apparently more of a handful than I thought." Grandma offered a bony hand to help me up off the floor.

Grandma turned to Joe and Ranger. "I've got some videos you two could borrow. Might give you a few pointers. If either one of you learned how to satisfy her in bed, she might not have to look elsewhere for excitement."

Lula appeared by Grandma's side and bent down to haul me up. The crowd let out a collective gasp as her Saran Wrap slipped over her ass and revealed a full moon view.

Sally Sweet took that as his cue, and he and the band launched into a rendition of Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl."

Joe and Ranger still appeared to be dumbstruck and goofy. I darted between them and disappeared out the front door. Then, I did what any desperate woman would do. I sought out my best friend.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVECHAPTER TWELVE

Mary Lou hadn't been able to find a babysitter, and therefore she was stuck home with her kids. I jumped into the limo and barked Mary Lou's address to the driver. When we arrived a few minutes later, I told him not to wait and slipped into Mary Lou's back door without knocking.

Mary Lou was sitting at her kitchen table with a stunned expression on her face. Word travels fast. I sat down at the table and stared at her.

"How did you hear?" I asked.

"Your friend Lula called. They were worried about you." Mary Lou got up to turn off the tea kettle. She poured the hot water into a cup with some hot chocolate mix, stirred it, and set it in front of me.

"The kids are all in bed. Tell me what happened."

I sipped my hot chocolate and spilled my guts to Mary Lou. I didn't stop at the party events. I filled her in on all the recent events with Joe and Ranger, and shared with her how I was too confused to choose between them. I even told her how Joe was my comfort food and Ranger was my dessert. And being a true best friend, she understood. She didn't pass judgment, just sat and listened quietly.

When I was done, Mary Lou brought me a nightshirt, made a bed for me on the couch, and hugged me goodnight. She didn't ask, just knew that I needed a neutral place to spend the night.

I woke up early the next morning. I had tossed and turned on the couch, partially because it was uncomfortable, and partially because I had so much running through my mind. I was confused enough about Joe and Ranger, but now that Jeanne Ellen had joined the mix, I was even more confused.

Not that I was thinking of spending my life with her, but the thought that I had kissed a woman, in public, and had kind of _enjoyed it_, made my head almost explode.

I stumbled into the kitchen, turned on Mary Lou's coffee pot, and groaned when I saw that it was only 5am. As if to punctuate the fact, I heard the newspaper hit the front step. I retrieved the paper, sat down at the kitchen table and gasped as I saw the headlines. "_BOMBSHELL BOUNTY HUNTER SHOCKS TRENTON", _and below that in bold print, "Wonder Woman or Wonder Lips?"

Splashed all over the front page were pictures of me dressed as Wonder Woman, kissing Joe, kissing Ranger, and kissing Jeanne Ellen. They even had a picture that looked like me kissing a complete stranger, but I had no idea where they got that one.

Page two of the paper was no better. They had taken a web poll called, "Who Will She Choose?" and had printed the results in the paper. Turns out, thirty percent of Trenton thought I should choose Ranger, thirty percent thought I should choose Joe, twenty-five percent thought I should keep both, and the remaining votes were split between Jeanne Ellen and None of the Above.

This was going to be a very bad day. I decided that denial was my best course of action. I sat down with a cup of coffee and took inventory of my situation. I was at Mary Lou's, with no clothes of my own except my Wonder Woman suit. I had no car, no purse, and no cell phone. I was too embarrassed to call my Dad, or even Ranger or Joe for that matter.

I heaved a sigh, and used Mary Lou's home phone to call the Rangeman control room. The Merry Men were pretty good about not talking, so there was a small chance I could escape to my apartment without too much humiliation. The down side was that they'd tell Ranger I called, but I was hoping he'd understand that I needed some space right now.

"Yo," answered the voice at Rangeman.

"Hi, um, Lester?" I wasn't a hundred percent, but I thought that was Lester's voice on the other end of the line. "This is Stephanie. I'm kind of stuck at my friend's house with no car. Do you think you could have someone come and give me a ride to my apartment?"

"Hey, Bombshell! We've been worried sick about you! My shift is almost up here, so I can come get you in a few minutes. Are you still at Mary Lou's house?"

Sometimes the Rangeman intel scared me. "Yes, I'm at Mary Lou's house. I don't suppose you need the address. Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you could keep it on the down-low. I'm kind of in hiding today." As if he hadn't already figured that one out.

I considered putting my Wonder Woman suit back on, but decided I'd be less conspicuous in the nightshirt. When Lester pulled up out front thirty minutes later, I slipped out the front door in bare feet with my costume and boots stuffed in a grocery sack. I'd already had three cups of coffee and it wasn't even 6am yet.

I hopped into Lester's black Rangeman SUV and pretended to ignore his grin. "Bombshell, I told you to let me know if you needed another man. You didn't have to hit on Jeanne Ellen."

"Lester, please just shut up and drive. I'm in no mood for joking today."

Lester thankfully slipped into his obligatory Rangeman driving zone, and was silent for the rest of the drive. Lester parked in the lot beside my apartment building.

"Lester, I need you to pick my lock. I don't have my keys on me."

"No problem, beautiful."

Lester walked me upstairs and picked my lock within seconds. Someday I was going to have to figure out how to do that. Lester did a quick scan of my apartment to check for any bad guys who might be hiding, and when he found none, stood uncomfortably in my living room.

"Bombshell, is there anything I can get you? Do you need anything?"

"No, Lester. Thanks for the ride, and for letting me in. If you talk to anyone today, could you just let them know that I'm going to hang out here and lie low today? I don't really feel like visitors." I was hoping he'd convey this information to Ranger.

"Understood, beautiful. Call me if you need anything."

I managed to avoid just about everything on Wednesday. I took my phone off the hook, ignored the light flashing on my answering machine, and enjoyed the king sized bed all by myself. By nightfall, I was going stir-crazy and I had eaten all the food in my apartment. Looked like I was going to have to face Trenton sooner rather than later.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEENCHAPTER THIRTEEN

I woke up Thursday morning ready to face the music. I showered, pulled on my best jeans and my favorite stretchy long-sleeved shirt, and spent extra time on my makeup and hair.

I sat down with a cup of coffee and checked my phone messages. There were too many to count. My mother was the ringleader, of course, and was nothing short of irate. Lula and Connie left several apiece, wanting to make sure I was okay. Mary Lou had called Wednesday morning when she woke up to find that I had left. Grandma had called to make sure I'd be bringing my menagerie to Thursday night dinner. Joe and Ranger had each left brief messages.

Thirty minutes later, I had checked my messages and called Mary Lou to let her know I was okay. I figured I would see Connie and Lula at the office, and I didn't feel ready to speak to the others yet. At least not over the phone.

Some time in the night, my purse, keys, and cell phone had appeared on my kitchen counter, so I was able to drive myself to the bonds office. I sat outside in my car trying to work up the courage to go in when my cell phone rang. It was Lula.

"You gonna come in here or what? We can see you parked outside, you know. You don't have to worry – Connie and me ain't gonna bite. And we ain't gonna say anything about you kissing a woman, either."

I disconnected and sat there for another minute imagining I was on vacation somewhere in the Caribbean. I was startled back to reality by tapping on my window. Lula was standing beside my car in a lime green spandex top, hot pink spandex pants, and a fake leopard fur vest. She opened my door, grabbed my arm, and pulled me out of the car.

"What you waiting for? Might as well get it over with. I figure I'll be your escort today, on account of you're too afraid to go anywhere by yourself."

I smiled gratefully at Lula. Moral support actually didn't sound like such a bad idea today. Plus, people might be so distracted by her neon outfit that they wouldn't notice me at all. I followed Lula into the bonds office.

Connie smiled innocently at me when I entered. She offered me a donut and handed over my files for the day. She was very twitchy, and I could tell it was killing her not to ask about the party.

I sighed, sat down on the couch, and said, "Okay, ask your questions."

Lula and Connie immediately started firing questions. They were talking so fast, and at once, that I could only laugh and ask them to start over one at a time. Lula started first.

"Did Jeanne Ellen turn you on?"

"Damn. Why did you have to ask a hard one first?"

Connie and Lula gasped. "You enjoyed it!"

I tried to put on a poker face. "Next question."

Connie's turn. "Who did you sleep with last night?"

"Mary Lou's couch. Next. Lula."

"Have you decided between Joe or Ranger…or Jeanne Ellen?"

"No. But Jeanne Ellen was never a candidate. Connie."

"Has your mother disowned you?"

"Probably. I haven't talked to her yet. Lula."

"You still didn't answer my first question. Did you enjoy kissing Jeanne Ellen?"

I sat silent for a full minute before I finally answered. I decided to close my eyes and pour out the truth. "It was scary and weird at first, but she tasted like strawberries and felt very soft. It was a little like kissing a female Ranger. I got a little hot over it, but I don't think it's my cup of tea."

I opened my eyes and saw Lula and Connie staring over my shoulder. Shit. I turned around, and of course, both Ranger and Jeanne Ellen had come in silently, and of course, had probably heard my whole confession.

Lula stared at Jeanne Ellen. "Well shit, if it reminded you of kissing Ranger with strawberries, I might have to take Catwoman out on a date myself."

Jeanne Ellen looked as if she wanted to crawl under a rock. "Stephanie, I want to apologize. I never meant to…It's just that, you…I…I couldn't help myself. I've been attracted to you for a while, but seeing you up close and personal with Ranger and Morelli, well, I just lost control. I was out of line and I'm sorry."

I held up my hand. "No, Jeanne Ellen, I was the one out of line. I thought you were putting the moves on Ranger and I got jealous. I never should have attacked you. If I hadn't tackled you, none of this ever would have happened. I'm sorry."

Jeanne Ellen and I looked awkwardly at each other, and I reached out to offer her a hug. A brief hug. When I pulled free, I added, "You know, I wouldn't mind finding out where you get that strawberry lip gloss." She laughed.

I felt Ranger's hand on my shoulder. "Babe, could I see you outside?"

Ranger led me out the door and into the shade of the narrow alleyway beside the bonds office. "You okay, Steph? You had us all worried."

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm okay now. I'm not looking forward to being out in public today, and I'm really dreading seeing my mother. But I'm okay. I think I'll live."

Ranger leaned in close and pressed tightly against me. "I don't have any strawberry lip gloss. Can I still get a kiss?"

"Would you shut up and kiss me?"

Ranger grinned and kissed the shit out of me. I forgot Jeanne Ellen, my mother, and all the rest of my troubles. I forgot everything until we were interrupted by the squeal of tires.

It was Joe. He slammed the door of his SUV and strode over to us. "You were supposed to call me as soon as you found her! What happened?"

"I just now found her," Ranger replied, "and I was checking to make sure she's okay. I would have called."

Joe gave him a disbelieving look and then turned to me. "You okay, Cupcake? We were so worried."

"I'm fine. Just embarrassed. And the newspaper…" I broke off. Their uncomfortable expressions told me that they had seen the newspaper.

I managed a sigh. Having Joe and Ranger there together was reminding me of the decision looming before me.

Joe stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Steph, you caused quite a stir. Trenton hasn't seen that much excitement in decades. I think every man in the 'burg walked around with an erection for at least two hours."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys, I'm going to see my Mom at lunch. I've got to have a talk with her, and I'm going to tell her we can't make it for dinner tonight. I don't think I could face the family right now."

Joe and Ranger let out a collective sigh of relief. Joe's pager went off and he let out a stream of expletives. "I've gotta run, Cupcake. I'll call later to check on you."

Ranger put an arm around my shoulder and steered me back towards the bond office. "Babe, you feel up to another distraction job? It's tonight at the skating rink. If you're not ready, just let me know."

"No, I'm up to it. Actually, that will give me the perfect excuse to bow out of the family dinner tonight."

"Glad to be of service, Babe. Ella will have your wardrobe in my apartment by three o'clock. We leave Rangeman at seven. If you need anything today, and I mean anything, call me."

Ranger kissed me again and disappeared. I turned back to the bonds office to find Connie and Lula with their noses pressed to the windowpane. I rolled my eyes and went inside.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEENCHAPTER FOURTEEN

Lula and I drove through the McDonald's window for breakfast sandwiches and decided our plan of attack. I didn't have many skips, since Jeanne Ellen and I had brought them all in earlier in the week. We decided the two new ones that I got this morning could wait until my personal business was cleared up.

We drove to my parents' house first. My mother and Grandma Mazur usually sensed my arrival and waited on the front porch. But today, there was no sign of them. I called hello from the front door, and followed the sound of voices to the kitchen. My mother was on the phone and Grandma was turning sausages in the skillet.

My mother's voice was tense. "No. No, Mrs. De Luca, she is not running off with some lesbian, and I'm going to pretend that you didn't imply that my daughter keeps so many men that she broke her bed. Goodbye!"

She hung up and leveled a glare at me. "You see what you have done to my life? Why do I have to have a daughter who keeps two men, as if that weren't bad enough, but then rolls around on the floor with a woman at the biggest social event that Trenton has seen in decades? Why, Stephanie, why?"

She collapsed into a chair and Grandma brought her a shot glass filled with amber liquid. She tossed it back like a seasoned pro and seemed to mellow just a hair.

Grandma stepped to my defense. "Don't you think you're being too hard on her? I don't think she had any control over the situation. It happened very fast, and it was one of them heat of passion kind of moments. I'd like to have one of them myself. I thought I might get lucky for a while, what with all the men walking around with tents in their pants. They were easy picking, but I don't think the fish were biting for belly dancers on Tuesday night. Next time, I'm going as a superhero."

The phone rang again and my mother yanked it out of the wall. "Stephanie, you were supposed to keep your Grandma out of trouble at the party, not cause more trouble for me. When are you going to grow up? Can't you see what you are doing to me?"

I was speechless. I hadn't ever seen my mother this upset, and I was guilty of causing it all. I was aware of Lula stepping around me and shielding me with her body.

"Mrs. Plum, I'm sorry, but Stephanie's been through enough lately without you talking to her like that. This here mess is about Stephanie, not you. I know she's sorry to cause you trouble, but you gotta step back and let her figure things out right now. She's got some tough decisions to make about her life. There's enough drama in it without you adding to it."

My mother stared at Lula with her mouth gaped open and her hand clasped to her chest. After a minute, she mumbled something about lying down and stumbled up the stairs.

Grandma waved a dismissive gesture in her direction. "You'll have to excuse your mother, Stephanie. She's on edge because the phone has been ringing non-stop. Say…you wouldn't mind telling me what it was like kissing a girl, would you?"

I grinned at my grandmother. "Sometimes, a girl just has to find things out for herself."

Grandma grinned back. "I think you're right. I might give that Jeanne Ellen a call to see if she likes belly dancers." I suppressed a giggle.

"Grandma, would you let my mother know that we won't be over for dinner tonight? Joe's on a case, and Ranger and I are working a distraction job."

Lula and I backed our way out the front door and dashed for the car. Once safely shut inside, we collapsed and let the air whoosh out of us.

"That was my idea of hell," I told Lula.

"Yeah, me too. That's about as close to hell as I want to get."

The rest of the day was a piece of cake compared to the morning visit. After visiting a few friends to set the story straight, I dropped Lula off at the bonds office so I could get to Rangeman and change for our evening distraction job.


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEENCHAPTER FIFTEEN

Thursday night's distraction was at a skating rink. Ugh! I hadn't skated since junior high school. At least my outfit, while tight, covered most of my skin. I had a pair of extremely tight white lycra pants, and an equally tight low-cut lycra top. Paired with a push-up bra to help create cleavage, I looked pretty good. I also had a pair of white skates, but I wouldn't put those on until I got to the rink.

The skip worked at the rental counter. I would skate around a little while, then approach the counter to ask him to repair my skate. The hope was to lure the skip outside and away from children before doing the takedown.

I sat nervously drinking a Coke at the snack bar trying to work up the courage to put on my skates. What if I busted my ass in front of all the Merry Men? I was sure someone was hiding a camera somewhere. Ranger leaned down close to my ear, and whispered promises of the night to come if I actually put my skates on. I looked at him to see if I had heard him right, saw a small nod, and jumped up with my skate bag. The skip hadn't shown up for work yet, but I needed to touch up on my basic skating skills anyway.

I had just wobbled my first lap around the skating rink when I started to do an involuntary jiggle. All the Coke I drank had made its way down to my bladder and was screaming to get out. I half-skated and half-hobbled to the ladies room. I informed my mic that I was switching off to use the restroom and scooted inside.

The bathroom looked like it hadn't been cleaned in at least a year. The first stall had an out of order sign. The next stall had pee sprayed all over the seat and floor. The last stall was unbelievably trashed, and it appeared to be clogged with poo and an entire roll of toilet paper. "Eat Shit" was scrawled on the wall in a suspicious brown substance. Probably poo, from the smell of it.

I tried the Out of Order stall but the door was locked. Great. Stuck with Door Number Two and there was barely enough toilet paper to either wipe the seat off, or to wipe myself. I chose to hover above the seat to afford myself the luxury of wiping with the toilet paper. _Living in the lap of luxury, Stephanie_, I told myself.

I peeled my second-skin lycra pants down far enough to do business, and angled myself over the toilet. Just as I got a good pee stream going, my stupid skates started rolling forward. The pee stream strayed from the toilet and wet my pants before I could catch myself. I was a human pee bomber. I jammed my elbows out to steady myself on the sides of the stall, and squirmed my way backwards within range of the toilet.

I finished my business and reached for the toilet paper but when I removed my elbows from their position jammed into the stall walls, my skates started their forward motion again. Stupid, stupid skates. I was mid-wipe, and couldn't get my hands free before the momentum threw me forward and my head crashed into the stall door. I let out a whoosh of air and stood straight to get my balance, but felt another wince of pain as my head jerked back down. What the…? Great, my hair was caught on the purse hook.

I took a moment to allow my eyes to stop watering before I tried to untangle myself. I don't know how the heck this happened, but no matter what I did, the tangle just got worse. I didn't think my back could stay hunched over much longer, so I did what any desperate girl in my situation would do…I switched my mic back on and called for help.

I heard the bathroom door bust open as the Merry Men rushed in to help me. "In here," I called weakly.

Lester was just outside the door. "Bombshell, are you okay?"

"No. I'm having major problems in here. I rolled away from the toilet and got my hair stuck in the purse hook. I peed on myself, I can't get my pants up, and I can't get my hair free. And you can't open the door because I'm stuck behind it." I choked back a sob, and a tear rolled down my cheek.

I could hear shuffling on the other side of the door, and then Ranger's spoke gently. "Babe, I'm going to crawl over the stall door to help you. Hang in there." Ranger's voice was cracking, and I suspected he was trying not to laugh.

"Okay, Hal and Tank, give me a leg up. I'm going in…" That was apparently the last straw for the Merry Men, because they broke out in coughing fits to cover their laughter. Ranger peeked over the stall and peered down at me.

"Babe, as long as I live, I'll never understand how you get into these situations." Ranger slithered a leg over the wall, snaked his way across, and dropped down with his feet on the toilet.

"Damn, Babe. Do you need me to finish wiping you? There's pee all over the place."

More coughing fits.

"Just – just pull my pants up, okay?"

Ranger wiggled my pants up and was ready for the next task.

"Okay, now see if you can free my hair from the purse hook."

Ranger worked at my hair for a while, and finally gave up and reached for the knife that he always carried.

"No!" I cried. "Please don't cut my hair. Mr. Alexander will refuse to do my hair anymore if I come in with any more bald spots."

Ranger sighed and pulled a multi-tool out of his utility belt. He worked at the screws on the purse hook. It took several minutes because they had been painted over, but he finally got the purse hook free from the stall door. By this time, I noticed lots of banging and yelling outside the bathroom door, but the Merry Men refused to let anyone in the bathroom until I was set free.

Finally, I was able to stand up straight.

"Babe, don't move your head too fast. That purse hook could start swinging and put someone's eye out." Again with the coughing fits.

I adjusted my clothes, stood up tall with what little dignity I had left, and sidestepped out of the stall. I tried to ignore the large silver hook dangling from my head, but the damn thing was an eye magnet.

"Babe, let's call it a night and go home. You're in no shape to finish a distraction job tonight. Besides, I don't think our skip is going to show up for work tonight anyway."

I left the bathroom with my parade in tow and stiffly rolled past the line of women and girls waiting to use the facilities. There were more whispers about the Bombshell Bounty Hunter and her harem, and several women tried to get close enough to smell me. Tank snarled at the closest one, and she jumped back with a yelp.

Ranger helped me out of my skates and out to his car. I slumped down in my seat and forced a slow, agonized sigh through my teeth.

I sank back into the buttery leather of Ranger's Turbo and closed my eyes. This had been a disaster of Stephanie Plum proportions. I ignored the sudden muffled ringing of my cell phone from below my seat where I had stuffed my purse. I couldn't deal with my family right now. I just wanted to shut out the world.

Ranger's cell phone rang next. He checked the Caller ID and answered with his standard, "Yo."

He glanced over at me. "Yeah, she's with me. She got her hair caught in a bathroom stall. Had to be rescued. I don't think she feels like talking."

I glared at Ranger. He usually kept to one word conversations. It was just my luck that he had found his tongue in time to share my misfortunes.

Ranger's thumb wiped the remnants of a tear from under my eye. "Yeah, I'll tell her." And he disconnected.

"Morelli's working on a case. Said to tell you he'd call tomorrow."

_Great, just great, _I thought. Sure, my comfort food boyfriend would bail on me now, just when I needed him most. I leaned my head back in the seat again and shut the world out by squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

The car came to a stop at a convenience store. Ranger told me to wait in the car. He emerged a couple of minutes later with a large brown paper sack.

"Babe, my place or yours?"

"Don't care."

The car stopped twenty minutes later and I opened my eyes. We were in the parking garage at Rangeman. I was vaguely aware of Ranger helping me out of the car, grabbing my purse and the brown paper sack, and carrying the lot of us to the elevator where he used his key fob to take us to his seventh floor apartment.

Ranger deposited me on the sofa. My eyes were still closed, but I sensed him moving quietly around the apartment. The refrigerator door opened and closed, and I heard water running in the bathroom.

I felt Ranger pick me up again, and the sound of the running water got closer. I opened one eye. Ranger had filled the bathtub with bubble bath.

He helped me shed my clothes and guided me into the tub. I was enveloped by a soft cloud of bubbles. Mmmm, they smelled faintly like birthday cake. Someday when I regained my will to live, I'd have to find out what Ranger had used.

When the bubbles faded and the water turned lukewarm, Ranger appeared beside the bathtub. He wordlessly helped me out of the tub and wrapped me in one of his thick, soft towels. He helped me dry off, but carefully avoided the purse hook which was still stuck in my hair.

He guided me into his bathrobe and led me to the bed. He had laid out one of his black t-shirts and a pair of my Rangeman panties. I slipped into both with Ranger's help guiding the t-shirt over my hair and purse hook, and then I climbed between Ranger's sumptuous sheets.

While I relaxed numbly in the bed, Ranger sat next to me and deftly went to work on the purse hook. He extracted small tools from a black leather case on his bedside table, and after a few minutes he breathed a triumphant sigh. He held the hook up to show me, and I immediately felt relief. My hair was free, with the exception of a few stragglers that had stuck in the black rubber tip on the end of the hook. I felt as if a curse had been lifted.

Ranger revealed a secretive grin. "Cherry Garcia or Chocolate Fudge Brownie?"

_Hello!_ I sat up abruptly. Ranger was speaking my language now…those were Ben & Jerry's flavors. That would explain the brown paper sack.

"Chocolate Fudge Brownie, definitely!"

Ranger slipped off to the kitchen and returned with a pint of chocolate salvation and a large spoon. He was my hero.

Ranger had even gotten himself a treat – 100 natural fruit sorbet with no sugar added. He really knew how to party. I offered him a spoonful of my chocolate heaven. He considered it for a moment, and then accepted the bite. He returned the favor, and I had to consider it a moment too. I took a taste of his sorbet, wrinkled my nose, and decided to stick with my chocolate.

I had almost finished my pint when the bell rang. Ranger got up to let Ella in, and she announced that dinner was ready. Ranger thanked her, and they spoke in whispers. I heard her leave, and got out of bed to see what they had been plotting.

Ranger looked up from the table that he was setting. "Feeling better?"

"I'm getting there," I smiled at him. And when I saw what Ella had brought me for dinner, I thought I'd arrive at 'better' very soon. Ella had made macaroni and cheese from scratch and it was all for me, since Ranger was setting out his usual boring chicken breast and vegetables for himself.

I dug into my mac and cheese. It was creamy and steamy, and had a crusty layer of cheese on top. It was the best mac and cheese I had ever eaten. "Bless you. Bless you and Ella, and everyone you hold dear."

Ranger looked as if he'd just been handed a grand prize trophy. He smiled – not just a grin, but a full face, crinkled-at-the-eyes smile.

"Thought you could use some comfort food, Babe."

And that's when it hit me. It hit me so hard that all the air whooshed out of my lungs.

Ranger's face flooded with concern. "You okay? What's the matter?"

I blinked up at Ranger. I should have seen it all along, but as usual I had been in denial. At that moment, I realized that Ranger could be both my dessert _and_ my comfort food. He might not be marriage material, but so what. Neither was I. If Ranger could still love me despite my quirks, accidents, and my crazy life, then I could love him despite his.

I shivered. "Ranger. I'm ready," I whispered. "I'm ready to do the cha-cha with you. I want to be your dance partner. And nobody else's."

Now it was Ranger's turn for the air to whoosh out of his lungs. I half-smiled at his shock, and I took his hand and led him to the bedroom.


	16. Epilogue

EPILOGUE EPILOGUE

The hardest part of choosing Ranger over Joe was breaking the news to Joe. I had intended to choose a neutral place to tell him, but finding that place was difficult. It seemed that most of the Burg brought back memories of our relationship. So in the end, I had Joe meet me at his place.

Joe said he had sensed it coming, and that he had seen Ranger and me growing closer during my decision period. He was subdued, but hugged me goodbye and promised we'd be friends after he had a little time to recover. He even said I could borrow Bob whenever I felt the need for canine companionship.

Breaking the news to my parents was also difficult. My mother was upset that Ranger and I didn't have plans for children, or even a wedding for that matter. The great thing about Ranger and I was that we both agreed our lives were in the same place. We had each tried marriage once and didn't feel the need to do it again – and we certainly couldn't handle being parents with our crazy lifestyles.

To soften the blow to my parents, I offered Grandma Mazur the use of my apartment. My father was so excited to have her out that he volunteered to pick her up in the taxi whenever she needed to run errands. Grandma blended in perfectly with my eccentric elderly neighbors, and even had two or three boyfriends in the building.

I moved Rex and my cookie jar to Ranger's apartment. I was still chasing skips for Vinnie, and often teamed up with Jeanne Ellen. We both agreed that we worked pretty well as partners. Even though we had sworn off any more kissing scenes, Trenton still paid pretty close attention to us when we were together.

Ranger gave me the freedom to choose between working for Vinnie and working at Rangeman. I just kept track of my Rangeman hours on a time sheet and turned it in every week to payroll. I had the use of Rangeman resources to help me catch skips, which included an endless supply of handcuffs and vehicles, and I also received the full Rangeman benefits package.

And if things couldn't get any better, Ranger had told me over breakfast that he wanted me to pack a week's worth of clothes. He was handing over the helm to Tank for a full week so that we could escape for a vacation. When Ranger let himself into his apartment after lunch, I had two suitcases, a garment bag, a cosmetic case, and Rex stacked in the entryway.

Ranger raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Ready to go, Babe? It's just for a week, you know."

"Well, I wouldn't have had to pack so much if you had told me where we're going. I didn't know what to bring!"

Ranger's eyes turned dark. "All you need is yourself. Clothes are optional at the Batcave."

I jumped up off the sofa and shrieked. "No! Are you really taking me to the Batcave? The real, actual Batcave? The 'Batcave is forever' Batcave?"

Ranger swept me up in his arms. "Yep, that's the one. There's no going back now, Babe. You're mine forever."


End file.
